My life, aka The soap opera (really long post)

My husband and I have not had the greatest year. In addition to stress in our marriage, both of our mothers have passed away this year. His was unexpected, mine was a long, slow decline. Both of them suck about equally. While there was a lot of grieving this year, that I could deal with. It's the sideshow going on involving my father-in-law that's so horrible.

Right before she passed away in late February, Rob and I had booked our cabin on a cruise that his mom had already planned. Rather than cancelling, we (Rob, his dad Bob and I) decided that we were going to continue as a sort of tribute to her. On this cruise, Bob met somebody. We weren't too thrilled by the woman but thought it was a little cute that he had companionship for the last few days of the cruise. What we were really disturbed by was how he behaved once the land portion of our vacation started. He spent all of his time on the phone with her, answering during dinner and basically abandoning us. He broke down, crying and declaring himself in love, after knowing someone three days.

Then, as soon as he gets back he goes and visits her. He takes a sabbatical from his job, the dream part-time one that he was only working during his retirement because he enjoyed it. He decides to move to her state (from north all the way south) to live with her. When Rob visits him, he spends most of his time on the phone with her. He mopes and doesn't do any of the activities that both he and Rob were looking forward to doing together in his retirement. Then he leaves him children alone for both the first Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays without their mother.

Even worse than that, his younger son is having mental health problems. They stem mostly from his mom's sudden death and his dad's essential abandonment. His dad says things like 'Well, I can't help him' or 'Even if I left right now, I still wouldn't be able to get there in time.' Or, he could just be there for him. When we try to discuss this with Bob, he just gets angry and says things like 'You don't want me to be happy!' and 'You're adults.' Yeah, his children want him to be absolutely miserable and since they're over 18 they don't need him ever. Everything right now is about his happiness and how suddenly it is necessary for him to be with this woman to be happy.

Now we find out they're getting married sometime this month. Rob found out by simply googling their name together. It was in a local paper, a matter of public record. His dad has spoken to him twice since then and hasn't mentioned this at all. We just don't understand why they have to be married so soon. It boils down to this: the man declared his love for this woman after knowing her three days. This less than six months after his wife died. He leaves his children alone during rough emotional times. He's getting married secretly less than a year after his wife dies suddenly.

And even if this wasn't bad enough, we're not so sure about this woman. We didn't care too much for her when we met her, mostly because of the 'I'm a poor little woman who needs the help of a big strong man like you!' thing she did, all in a southern accent. She initially lowballed the number of divorces, which is five, and overstated the number of years since her last divorce, which is three. When she was supposed to come up to visit and then drive down with him, she cancelled because the weather MIGHT get bad. She claims one of her husbands died, but it wasn't the first one. We have divorce records for all the other ones, again all a matter of research in public records.

But even if you take all this out of the equation, his behavior towards his family is inexcusable. My husband doesn't plan to let his father know that he knows his dad is married, or gonna be soon. Rob is going to let his dad dig himself deeper into a hole. Rob also doesn't plan to do much to help him anymore, like help with home maintenance. His dad is planning to sell the house soon. What will probably happen in this market is it will sit for sale for a long time, unless he drastically cuts the price. The idea of Bob throwing away a house that Rob's mom worked very hard to get is offensive.

When did all this drama happen? We can't sit and discuss this like ration adults because Bob throws his emotional state around. I understand that he has a right to his own life, but to pretty much reject his own sons in favor of a woman is wrong. To expect his sons to do things for him and to be there for him when he isn't there for them is wrong. It might be true love. Sixth time around might be the charm for this woman. Getting married after knowing someone half-a-year might work. However, the odds are against it and we're not sure what we're gonna do if Bob comes home with his heart broken.