I just don't know

Yesterday my husband did two things that really bother me. I don't know if I'm overreacting, if I'm looking for things to be upset about or if these are truly dealbreakers.

First of all, he commented that if we had lived together before marriage we probably wouldn't have gotten married at all. We moved in together two months before the wedding, but since my job took me out of town a lot that summer I wasn't home very often. When he asked me my opinion, I said that I thought we still would have gotten married. And I do think we would have- if we'd only been living together for a year, during which time we were engaged. It took me a little more than a year to be truly unhappy and planning for a wedding is very distracting.

Then, when we were out and about, he basically committed an act of road rage. Going down a road, a person in front of us was driving very slowly. Since we couldn't pass, we were stuck behind them. When we came to a red light, the person took a right. As they were turning, my husband pulled up in the next lane, rolled down my window and bellowed "Asshole!" This was not acceptable to me. I voiced my opinion rather loudly and perhaps too harshly, but since I've made my feelings known in the past I didn't know if my point was getting across.

The first thing hurt a lot. I don't know if he was saying that I would have called off the wedding or that he would have, but either way I thought it was an unneccesary thing to say. He says hurtful things quite often, and usually claims that he didn't realize they were cruel. Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to come out of your mouth. The second things shows a capacity for violence and anger that frightens me a little. Whenever he yells like that, whether it's at me or someone else, it upsets me a lot. I get so tense that sometimes I start shaking. After this particular incident, he continued the conversation like nothing had happened, but I just couldn't.

I think what bothers me the most is that these are recurring incidents. He does something like this, I make it clear that I do not care for it, he apologizes.....and then it happens again. While I know that things I do make him unhappy, I do try to change them. I feel like he isn't even making an effort.