I'm trying to remember the last time we've had sex. I know for sure we'd done it Memorial weekend, because the sauna at the cabin always makes me horny. The fact that I can't otherwise remember this bothers me a little. I don't know if it means I don't care if I have sex or if I don't miss it or if I'm just to angry at him all the time to be attracted to him. The last time I really felt like jumping him was when he came home from work with a headache, and all my tender taking-care-of-him instincts were aroused. Naturally I couldn't do more than give him a couple of kisses, because when he has a headache god forbid anyone should do more than simply touch him and sneak around so as to reduce the noises. I'd just like to point out that when I have a headache, a really debilitating one where I huddle in bed or on the couch in pain, he likes to grab my head or pull me up and swing me around and then say he forgot I have a headache.
The whole sex thing- it feels kinda complicated. Like, I'd like to have sex. I like sex. I don't really have too many issues attached to it, which probably led to my having sex earlier with a few boyfriends than was good for the relationship. I'm just enthusiastic about it, because it's a good time. But I don't necessarily want to have sex with my husband. I want to have sex, and if he's around then OK, I'll have sex with him. Yet I don't look at him and think "I gotta get me some of that". He does not cause me to want to have sex, but if I want sex he's really my only choice right now, being married and all that. Not to mention that there probably aren't too many guys out there that I'm attracted to who are attracted back.
My husband and I, when we started dating I didn't feel 'the spark' for him. Looking at him didn't make me feel all funny inside and I didn't particularily want to jump his bones right away. He was there, he was obviously attracted to me, so I dated him. It wasn't until further down the road that I became very attracted to him. I was at this point when we got married, so I thought OK, you can learn to find someone sexy. Then in classes last fall this guy suddenly turned me on. We'd been in classes together before but I hadn't paid him much attention. He knew I existed but that was it. But comparing the crush I felt for him to the best I had felt for my husband ever.....it made our marriage seem really boring. I mean, the best sex we ever had was 'kinda good' sex. Never great sex, never smoking red-hot sex.
He doesn't seem to put much effort into it, which is probably why I've given up doing anything but throwing my legs in the air. He's never gone down on me, he's only touched my labia a few times (probably by accident). I've made it very clear that that is the reason I've given up on blowjobs unless I really feel like giving them. I tired of putting effort into something and have my efforts belittled or taken for granted. I know you don't give something to someone you love with an expectation of a return, but if you give and give and never get......eventually you stop wanting to give.
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